The Jaguar XJR Is One Of The World's Most Pointless Cars, But I'd Still Have It Over A Mercedes

The older versions of the Jaguar XJR will always have a special place in my heart. For a good few years, the X308 version of the of the sporting limousine was the most powerful car I’d driven on the road, after a family friend bravely gave my then teenage self a go in his one. And I loved it. 370bhp from a supercharged 4.0-litre V8 in a supremely comfortable package. What’s not to like?

That was quite a while ago, however, and times have moved on. As has Jaguar: the absurdly classical looks the company peddled for years are a distant memory, and the current XJR is if anything futuristic in its aesthetic, rather than old fashioned. Oh, and it’s massively powerful with 542bhp on tap.

Gone is the old 4.2 of the previous X350 XJR, replaced by the same 542bhp 5.0-litre supercharged V8 you’ll find in the XFR-S. But there are no big spoilers and loud blue paint options here. Other than the big wheels (20-inch rims all round), a snarlier front end created by bigger vents, and a quad-exit exhaust at the rear, it’s not hugely different to the standard XJ. Just the sort of subtlety a car like this needs…

This sedateness continues if you drive it around like a normal person, where you’ll be treated to a cosseting ride and little noise. Hit the accelerator pedal, however, and you’ll find out what this car is really about. The first time I tried a hefty dose of right foot, I was expecting the traction control light to flicker like mad and most of the power I’d been requested to be culled by the various spoilt-sport electronic aids. But no.

‘The XJR has an unmistakably sports car-like feel to it, with quick and accurate steering married to incredibly tidy body control’

The rear tyres immediately lit up and the back end of the car writhed around with excitable abandon. After shifting up a gear on the slick eight-speed ZF automatic gearbox, I got even more wheel spin. Clearly, this is a car that lets you be an idiot, and that’s good thing.

Start to take a little more care over your throttle application, however, and you’re treated to sheer lunacy as the XJR surges forward and tries its best to headbutt the horizon. You’re in a frankly enormous saloon car surrounded by leather and cocooned by double glazing that’ll do 0-62mph in just 4.4 seconds. That’s quick enough to make much of the Porsche 911 range feel nervous. It’s madness. It’s arguably antisocial. And it’s rather brilliant.

It’s at this point you’re probably expecting me to talk about the handling, and spin a line about the XJ cornering well ‘for a two-tonne saloon car’. But I’m not. Because it corners well full stop. Sure, it can’t hide the size and weight entirely, but it has an unmistakably sports car-like feel to it, with quick and accurate steering married to incredibly tidy body control. Oh, and a loose back end that’ll happily pop right out on demand at every corner exit, should you so wish.

When the rear does get lively, there’s no unnerving snapping here, just a nonintimidating and controllable loss of traction that’s incredibly addictive.

However, once you near home after your luxurious, petrol-heavy (expect to average 12mpg if you’re enjoying yourself properly) hoon in the XJR, you start to contemplate who or what this car is for. And you start to wonder if it’s all a bit too much. It’s so absurdly quick that the times you’re at full throttle - glorious though they may be - are exceptionally brief. Keep your foot buried any longer, and you may as well tear up your driving license and send it via special delivery to the cops.

Of course, you could level the same criticism at the F-Type R Coupe - with which the XJR shares the same engine - but that’s the sort of thing you’d happily take on a track to exploit its full potential. And the sort of people who will spend £92,395 on a big wafty saloon tend to be the sort of people who have more than one car.

It’s no wonder, then, that the R makes up a tiny percentage of overall XJ sales. But you know what? I don’t care. In fact, I adore the fact that Jaguar makes the XJR, even though when you think about it, the car doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Also, £92k is actually quite reasonable. Merc’s S63 may have a more impressive array of gadgets and be better built (some of the XJ’s materials feel a bit lacklustre, and the infotainment system is from the stone age), but it costs almost £120,000, and is nowhere near as loveable as the smartly thuggish Jag. If it was my money, it’d be going on the Jag. Savage pace has never been so classy.