6 Sleeper Cars that will truly wake you up.

2007 Mercedes-Benz R63 AMG

6.2-liter, V8, 507 horsepower… but is it a mini van or an SUV?

It doesn’t matter because while people are trying to figure that out you’ll be pushing 60 mph in 4.6 motherfunkin seconds.

In a Minivan.

Wait. Or is that an SU… where did it go?

I’m looking at 100,000 mile examples at around ten grand, but it’s always worth remembering that you’ll be paying eighty grand car maintenance on it… which is fine if you know a guy. Not so much if you don’t.

How to roll:

Doesn’t matter, it’s a minivan! For best effect though slap on some “Baby On Board” stickers, rub your eyes until they are red and tired looking and go as Mom or Pop as you can.

Chevrolet Cobalt SS

This is not a great car. Not at all. It has no style and doesn’t do corners… But it’s saving grace is it’s cheap and the 2008 version rocked 260hp. That’s the one you want for picking off boy racers with fart can exhausts.

How to roll:

As is. No one will look twice.

Kia K900

It’s a Kia. It’s a Kia boring looking sedan that rocks a 5.0-liter V8 handing out 420 hp and 376 lb-ft of torque.

Did I mention it’s a Kia?

Well, there also lies the downside. It’s only been available since 2015 so $30,000+ is a high price to pay for a sleeper. I’ve been fortunate enough to drive one for an afternoon, and although it is a lot of fun and really does move in a straight line, that is it’s only upside. It’s a perfectly nice Kia sedan but at the end of the day that’s exactly what it is. For the same money you can cross shop some really cool cars - maybe not quite with that horsepower but enough to make life interesting and with the addition of better interior and handling. The question is:

How much do you like having a sleeper Kia?

The good news is that this car that will start showing up in sleeper lists in four or five years time once the higher mileage used car market starts to claim them - and even more so when they reach third owner status. At that point these will be genuine value sleepers.

How to roll:

Drive like suburban dad right up until the point you want to leave someone saying:

“Was that a fu**ing KIA?!?”

Dodge Magnum

Of course. A fast station wagon is the perfect sleeper. America has given up on the wagon so you’ll have to hunt one down, but if you can get one the R/T will get you a very respectable 350hp and an SRT8 will get you a more than respectable 450hp of fast moving station wagon.

The downside is SRT8’s are holding their value. R/T’s though, I was just looking at them in my area for around $10,000 for hundred thousand mile examples. With patience a good one for the right money looks achievable.

How to roll:

Debadge, never clean the outside and put on a button down shirt with a tie, slap on a “My Child Is An Honor Role Student” bumper sticker and go make a bunch of people look silly from the stop light.

Mercedes-Benz S600

My word that’s a expensive but boring looking car… that packs a 5.5 liter, twin-turbo V12 making around 500 horsepower and around 600 glorious pound-feet of torque.

Problem is… it’s going to cost you in every way. From buying price (including used) to maintenance to fuel economy (11 boring driver miles per gallon in the city). This is without a doubt the rich persons sleeper - peasants like me need not apply.

How to roll:

Dye your hair grey and put a “Retired And Spending The Kids Inheritance” on the rear bumper before wasting chumps anywhere they may roll.

Ford Flex EcoBoost

Let’s be clear. I despise this vehicle. It’s the sort of thing people that want a minivan that doesn’t look like a minivan buy. It’s disgusting. It’s the antithesis of everything I want from a vehicle.

Except for one thing. The option of a 3.5-liter EcoBoost V6 engine with 365 hp and 350 lb-ft of torque along with all-wheel drive.

If you really want to go for it this engine is in other Fords so no doubt there will be ECU tuning to get whatever Ford left on the table…

If this list had any sort of order, this would actually be top three. I seriously wish I could have talked my wife into one but she lives by the creed “Death Before Minivan” and saw it for exactly what it is.

How to roll:

Doesn’t matter. It’s a Ford Flex. No one will take it seriously if you wrote the horsepower down the side in neon paint.

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