8 Crazy Pieces Of Manufacturer Merchandise You Can't Afford

If you’re anything like us you’ve probably at some point looked at a car maker’s branded pen/cap/shirt and wondered how the hell they can charge so much. But you ain’t seen nothing yet. Time to hitch up your big-boy pants and take a look at the most expensive automotive merchandise you can buy in the UK right now.

Bentley statue

This 24cm statue is a combination of bronze, black granite and proper craftsmanship. It’s one of three Bentley sells, this one depicting a certain Mr Birkin on his way to second place at the 1930 French Grand Prix. Yours at the entry point on this list for a mere £2450, but if you want all three you’re looking at a much heftier £7350.

BMW Cruise

We all know BMW drivers can be a bit lazy when it comes to their indicators, but now they can be lazy with their cycling, too. Behold the Cruise e-Bike, complete with a Bosch electric drivetrain good for 44lb ft of torque. It can help you power your flabby backside along at up to about 15mph, but it’ll set you back £2501 and strip you of valuable man points.

Silver Aston Martin DB5 model

Here comes a big jump in price with this solid silver 1:30 scale Aston Martin DB5. The car itself is 15cm long but comes mounted on a 21cm plinth, which is itself adorned with a numbered plaque detailing its place in the limited run of just 100. Aston? Limited Edition? Solid silver? It was never going to be cheap, and at £4500 it’s a flipping expensive way to furnish your desk.

Porsche Bike RS

Finally it’s the Porsche RS you can afford! Maybe. The £6000 Porsche Bike RS, in black and 911 GT3 RS-correct Lava Orange, is described as a ‘smart city cruiser’ made partly from carbonfibre. But frankly, park this bike anywhere in London and your swanky wheels will be gone before you get out of your meeting. And the best bit? Porsche issues a disclaimer saying its bikes are not actually fit for use on the road.

Amalgam Collection Bugatti Chiron model

The newest entry to this list is the incredibly detailed Amalgam Collection Bugatti Chiron. It’s not an official Bugatti product but it was made using Bugatti’s own original CAD data, so it’s as good as. It even went back to Bugatti’s engineers and designers for a sign-off before being released for sale.

For your £7940 wedge you get this version, but for a few shekels more you can have yours customised to any spec, just as you could with the full-size one in a Bugatti showroom. Brilliantly bonkers.

Octo Maserati Limited Edition watch

If you’re prepared to wait a few weeks Maserati will happily sell you a watch from its merchandise store. Made by Bulgari, the Octo Maserati Limited Edition will be one of 1914 examples worldwide. In a fabulously tenuous link to its cars the company says that it “provides quick reading, like a car speedometer,” but it does contain 45 itty-bitty rubies in the movement. The price? Surely a snip at £8619.

Ferrari 268 SP replica nose

Now then. Here is the most expensive piece of official merchandise we could find from an official outlet, and boy is it pricey. Of course, it’s from Ferrari: a replica nose panel for a 1962 268 SP. The original car had a 2.5-litre V8 fed by four twin-choke carbs, mustering a fairly meagre-sounding 250bhp but weighing little more than a bucket of air.

You can get the aluminium replica nose with a stand or wall mount, but the annoying bit is that for your £13,500 Ferrari won’t even include shipping. Talk about mean.

Pocket Classics

As a bonus option we thought we’d include the Pocket Classics range. It’s not technically catalogue merchandise but it’s close enough in spirit. Models like the Roadster, pictured here, will accommodate ‘large adults’, and with a 110cc four-stroke engine can power your grinning face up through three forward gears to 38mph or more, depending on how fat you are. It’s an awesome bit of kit but at £14,995 it costs about the same as a decent Ford Fiesta…