8 Rubbish Cars That Are Rare For A Reason

1. Ford Probe

See that terrible photo above? Yeah, that’s my photo of the Ford Probe I owned as an 18-year-old. Please don’t judge me; I was a poor student and couldn’t afford something actually cool, and I found this on eBay for about £300. I still maintain it’s one of the most underrated driving experiences in the car world, as it’s a delightfully smooth and relaxing mile-muncher.

When it worked, at least. I may have picked it up cheap, but I’m assuming that’s because the guy I bought it off just wanted to get it out of his sight. Over the next 18 months I spent the equivalent of a good car keeping it on the road, before palming it off on a mate dirt cheap so he could run it into the ground. Which he did. In 10 days. There are only 825 left in the UK, and quite frankly I’m surprised there are that many…

2. Vauxhall Nova

Symbolic of British yoof culture, the Nova has been the boy racer’s go-to first car. Therefore they’ve all been wrecked. Overall there are 1385 left in the country, however the more telling stats come from two models that are particularly popular with the kids: GTE/GSI (sporty) and the dirt cheap, zero performance Merit.

In the last 13 years, 98.8 per cent of GSI/GTE models have been taken off the road, while 99.3 per cent of Merit cars have met their maker. That’s flabbergasting.

3. Alfa Romeo 166

There are exactly 666 Alfa 166s left on British roads, and that’s quite apt because owners probably felt like they’d gone to hell when they realised just how much their lovely new cars were depreciating. Hardly any were sold to start with, which hasn’t helped the number on the second hand market. It’s interesting to see some of the sportier models have held steady numbers for the past few years though, as the last remaining few fall into the hands of enthusiasts.

If you drive on mainland Europe, you’ll see Lancias all over the place, but in England they’re few and far between. That’s because all modern Lancias were rebadged as Chryslers, until the latter pulled out of the UK this year. So why is the Lancia name avoided like the plague over here?

The 80s saw the name become synonymous with rust bucket vehicles, after their cars fell apart on our roads. The news story above, in delightfully old BBC style, explains one of the main problems faced by Beta owners. As such, few escaped the scrapyard, and the ones that did spent the last couple of decades in the hands of collectors. Just 87 Betas are left on the road.

5. Subaru 700

The Subaru 700 was a tiny Japanese kei car, and also came in the form a van, brilliantly dubbed ‘Highroof’. There are two such vans left in the UK. Two! And one of them is all-wheel drive!

6. Reliant Robin

When I was growing up, my next door neighbours had a Reliant Robin. Seeing the mildly overweight couple squeeze inside that hideous pile of vehicular excrement every day as they wobbled off to the shops was a constant source of joy. So every time I see the footage of Clarkson rolling one I get a huge, happy pang of nostalgia. Unfortunately, I’ve only ever seen one other Robin out on the road, so it’s no surprise to learn there are just 1947 left in the wild. Actually, it is a suprise. A surprise there are so many…

7. Alfa Romeo Arna

This was the result of a partnership between Alfa Romeo and Nissan in the 80s. Alfa was losing money, so teaming up with another manufacturer would help them produce a car for less, while Nissan was being blocked from selling cars in European nations, which were keen to bolster their own automakers. Italian flair and Japanese engineering excellence sounds like a match made in heaven, right?

Unfortunately, responsibilities for the Arna were divvied up appallingly, with Alfa Romeo taking responsibility for the engines and electronics and Nissan taking over the styling. Instead of a gorgeous car that never broke down, the Arna never worked and had less character than a washing machine.

In 2007 the last Arna was taken off the road in the UK, and there hasn’t been a registered example of this mechanical turd since.

8. Chrysler Crossfire

At no point in its short life was there ever more than 4000 Crossfires on UK roads, a milestone that occurred in 2009. It’s ugly, was based on the previous generation Mercedes SLK, and only cost marginally less than its Merc equivalent when new (though it was way cheaper in America). It’s no wonder no one really bought them here.

All things considered, sales went surprisingly well, however when you look at the number of SLKs on the road you realise just how small a slice of the sales pie Chrysler managed. There are currently 2400 Crossfires roaming Britain’s streets, and we can only hope that number continues to drop…