9 Excuses You'll Always Hear From A Racing Driver

We’ve all been there; you’re invited to go karting with friends, and because you’re the car guy, everyone expects you to be the fastest man since Senna.

You head out for qualifying, and for 20 intense minutes, you’re on the limit, banging off the kerbs and cutting people up. Of course, you must be on pole, but when you return to the pits with your victory walk, however, your dreams of a career in professional motorsport are crushed. You’re in the middle of the pack, Mr Average, and suddenly, your manhood recoils in disappointment.

But obviously, the poor result wasn’t down to you. The kart was slow, the visor steamed up and you got caught behind someone on your fastest lap. But wait, there are more excuses that you might use, and they include the following:

1. "The corners were too tight"

"The speed was okay, but the corner was too tight". Juha Kankkunen certainly had the self-belief needed to be a WRC champion. So much self-belief in fact, that the corner itself was in the wrong.

2. "The officials were way too harsh on me"

In 2011 Lewis Hamilton was infuriated after having to report to the stewards five times out of six races. At Monaco, things boiled over and in classic Ali G style, he exclaimed: "Maybe it’s because I’m black."

3. "The car/kart wasn't working right"

In recent years, Ken Block has perfected this technique. On stage 4 of New England Forest Rally, Block described the crest as a "pretty normal thing" but unfortunately the car "bottomed out and shot" him off to right. So not a misjudgement then…

4. "I was fighting for the lead"

James Hunt, Tony Stewart and AJ Foyt are just some of the drivers who have got in a tussle after an accident. Of course, they let their aggression cloud their judgement, but it’s always the other man’s fault.

5. "I'm too heavy"

Complaining about your weight advantage/disadvantage is proabably the most common excuse for go-karters. This can work in one of two ways. You’re either embarrassingly heavy for this low-powered machine or you’re too light, which means the kart can’t produce enough grip. If you weighed the same as everyone else you’d obviously be dominating.

6. "Yellow flags ruined my chances of winning"

This excuse is the one that’s overheard in every racing paddock the world over.

7. "My tyres weren't up to temperature"

This one comes in many forms. But by far the most popular is that the driver’s tyres were too cold, which caused you to spin out. That definitely wasn’t anything to do with your lack of judgement. Oh, no.

8. "The other guy got in the way"

This excuse is another classic and is used often when one man punts the other man off the track, usually because he was carrying too much speed or if the guy in front braked too early. Again, this wasn’t your fault.

9. "They call me Crashtor"

You’ve had so many accidents that you don’t need an excuse as to why you totalled your car. Sometimes, it’s just better to keep quiet and accept your fate. Isn’t that right, Pastor?