BMW M135i vs Volvo C30 Polestar: Fight!

It's the head-to-head to end all head-to-heads. Why? Because both cars offer widow-making performance, addictive exhaust notes and more power than Obama (congrats on the win, by the way)!

While the BMW M135i kicks the sh*t out of the Volvo C30 Polestar in a straight line, it's here in Wales that the front-wheel drive Volvo has the advantage through the bends.

Question is, which gets your vote as ultimate B-road weapon? Here, Alex and Adnan will fight the case for their car in two knock-out rounds of no more than 100 words.

Round 1 - Fight!

Alex: BMW M135i - "Not For Pussies"

Twists, turns, long straights and randomers in Corsas doing massive bongs by the side of the road (seriously), demand a car with limitless grunt, great handling and a sweet ride. That’s why you should forget the sloppy ‘Vulva’ Polestar and get behind the wheel of a real man’s motor. It’ll blow your mind in a straight line, and although you need to ease up through wet corners - so you don’t bin it and end up balls-deep in sheep – its wide tyres offer decent grip. The Bimmer’s eight-speed ‘box is epic too, and driving position is bang on the money!

Adnan: Volvo C30 Polestar - "Man Up Through Corners!"

Sorry, what's all this "easing up through wet corners" rubbish? No need to shy away from them, n00b, because the Swede's front-wheel-drive means more weight on your guiding rubbers and it still manages to pack a 250bhp punch to launch you out of the bendies with underwear-browning vigour! Speaking of sheep, this is the car that all of them will be looking at: Rebel Blue paint and 18" Atreus alloys make for one pimpin' son of a gun. Oh, and one thing I wanted to pick up on... what's with the Bimmer's rubbish black exhaust tips? It's all about the chrome, baby!

Round 2 - Fight!

Alex: BMW M135i - "Class Not Crass"

Seriously, say what? All I heard was “bla, bla, bla... stupid blue paint, tacky stainless exhausts and sh*tting yourself”. You’re in a Volvo buddy, get real. And 'btw', your car seems to have prolapsed a cylinder as you’re only firing on five. Granted, the M135i’s not the prettiest, but it’s a purpose-built tool, not a ‘look-at-me’ fashion statement. As for your FWD argument, I take it you still use training wheels when mummy takes you to the park? Man-up and recognise: the BMW’s quicker, scarier and better value for money. ‘Nuff said...

Adnan: Volvo C30 Polestar - "Pick This From A Lineup"

You're damn straight the M135i is not the prettiest. 'I' have 135 reasons why to me you're still driving a bog-standard 1-series... talk about splashing the cash on a commoner's car! No-one is going to think you scrimped and saved when you rock up to your high-school prom in a Polestar, my friend. Not only is it £5k cheaper on-the-road, but for a model that's been around the block a couple of times, it still wows in the flesh and is lighter than your tubby excuse of a hot hatch. Now where's my crown?

Over To The Judges

We've had our diss say, but the ultimate decision as to who wins this face-off lies with you, the judges. So comment away and let us know who wins the Championship Belt!

BMW M135i Review Volvo C30 Polestar Review