Land Rover Nerds Are Mourning The Death Of The Defender In A Nauseatingly Public Manner

If you’ve spent any amount of time online today, you’ll be well aware that the last ever Defender just rolled off the production line at Land Rover’s Solihull plant. The venerable 4x4 has been around for 68 years, and in that time it’s barely changed at all; I kind of admire that commitment to such utilitarianism, but I find the outpouring of grief and emotional reminiscing currently drowning out everything else in my Twitter feed right now rather nauseating.

The main source of all this rose-tinted gushing is an event at Land Rover’s Solihull factory, where journalists and a bunch of other randoms who seem to care about the end of the Defender have gathered like extended family at a funeral seeing off their dearly departed despite not having acknowledged their existence for years.

It’s not very British, this. Too much pomp and circumstance for my liking. The whole point of the Defender is that it’s simple, British, and old-fashioned, and as such it should be seen off in a more dignified manner; a doff of the top hat and a subtle nod of appreciation rather than a huge crowd of teary-eyed enthusiasts gawping and fighting to point their mobile phones towards the box on wheels before them.

But it’s not just those at the event gushing about the Defender. No, all these photos from the factory seem to have spurred many others to share memories of that one time they got behind the wheel of a Defender and found it to be not that great to drive and terribly outdated but gosh, isn’t it great to drive something old-fashioned once in a while? Yeah, it is, but if you’re thinking that about a car when it’s still on sale there’s something wrong.

Because the problem with the Defender is that it should never really have gotten to this point. It’s a hopelessly outdated vehicle that should have been updated a long time ago - yes, utilitarianism is cool, but there comes a point where retro cool is overshadowed by it just being a bit crap. At least the G-Class manages to dodge this by becoming an icon of the wealthy elite. The Defender just grew old without a fight, falling foul to ever-changing industry regulations, while Land Rover did nothing to revitalise the model for a new era.

Look, I don’t want to have a dig at people who enjoy the Defender. It does nothing for me, but I get the appeal. It’s just, you know, it’s a vehicle. Maybe it’s just because I have an unnaturally rational mindset, but I don’t see the fuss about a car you like ceasing production. There will always be used examples, which now have a little added significance, and anyway, times change, which should be celebrated. Clinging onto the past is pointless. Embrace change. And please stop tweeting about the bloody Land Rover Defender!