The New Nissan Patrol Is An Absolute Unit

Toyota has the Land Cruiser, but one of its biggest, oldest competitors in the Japanese car industry has this: the Nissan Patrol. It’s been around for the exact same length of time as its Toyota rival, with both introduced in 1951 and while we’ve not been able to buy it in Europe since the chunky fifth generation, it’s still going strong in places where simply enormous SUVs make a bit more sense.

Places like Abu Dhabi, where the seventh-gen Patrol has just been unveiled and that’s likely to be one of its biggest markets. Would you just look at the size of this thing? With that enormous grille, huge rear light bar and optional 22-inch wheels, the deserts of the UAE are one of the only places on Earth that are going to make it look small.

Sitting behind that huge, bluff nose is a choice of two engines. Top of the tree is a new 3.5-litre twin-turbo V6 making 419bhp and 516lb ft of torque. That replaces the outgoing Patrol’s naturally aspirated 5.6-litre V8, and gains 24bhp and a massive 106lb ft over it.

Below that is a naturally aspirated 3.8-litre V6, producing 312bhp and 285lb ft of torque. Both send that power via a nine-speed automatic to a four-wheel drive system (were you honestly expecting anything else?).

Air suspension is standard, as are dynamically adjustable ‘e-dampers’, and the Patrol features the usual suite of off-road drive modes as well as sport and, rather hilariously, eco settings.

On the inside, there is much leather, as well as a standard panoramic roof and a 28.6-inch bank of screens ahead of the driver that Nissan, in an incredibly self-aware move, calls the Monolith display. Perhaps most fascinating is the biometric cooling tech, which uses infrared sensors to detect the body temperature of occupants, and automatically adjusts the cabin temperature to suit. The future is now, old man.

The new Patrol isn’t coming to Europe. That’s partly because an enormous, twin-turbo V6 SUV sort of flies in the face of Nissan’s aim to only introduce EVs here from now on, and partly because, despite what a drive through the more affluent bits of the British countryside might suggest, YOU DON’T NEED A CAR THIS BIG IN EUROPE.

No, it’s set to stay in the Middle East, where it goes on sale in November. North America – never a place to shy away from asteroid-sized SUVs – will receive a closely related car with different styling called the Armada, while some markets also get a poshed-up version in the Infiniti QX80.