Replace Your Penis With A Kahn RS600

As we enter the winter of 2012, the world is still in the grasp of a terrible economic climate. Like the determined efforts of an evil dictator, it is fighting our every effort to overthrow its tyrannous rule and continues on in the face of human despair.

But similar to a dictatorship, a recession isn’t bad for everyone. Some still rake in the cash and what better way to laugh at all the poor people than by purchasing a pimping Range Rover. If you’ve become desensitised to the evils looks from others, you could always take it to Afzal Khan and let his boys sprinkle their fairy dust over your tank.

This isn’t just any fairy dust, however. This is Kahn Design fairy dust. And what that means is an antonym to subtlety – the RS600. We can look at the typical Kahn exterior mods in a minute, but the headline here is that the Rangie’s 5-litre supercharged engine has been fondled by Cosworth to produce a whopping 555bhp. That’s 55bhp more than standard. Couple that with a hike to 600lb/ft of torque and what you get is a real-world kick up the arse deserving of its rude looks.

The exterior is a lesson in extrovert styling, featuring a long list of mods including a rear diffuser, huge rear wing, quad oval exhausts and even body coloured door handles! I know! Body coloured! You also get tinted windows just in case you don’t want the normals seeing whose behind the wheel. Speaking of wheels, the RS600 sits on Khan’s 22” RS alloys with a black finish that includes a nice little orange pinstripe.

Inside is where things get crazy though. If Kahn’s Aston interior was a half-arsed pointless exercise, the Rover is outed as the favoured child. Kahn’s famous ‘bespoke touch’ gives you a diamond quilted centre glove box and slings Swarovski Diamonds in the clock bezel surround. There’s no danger of getting a numb bum on long drives as the seats are shrouded in quilted, perforated ivory leather.

Get one and you’ll be plagued with the ‘compensating for something’ gags everywhere you go. But who cares if you have an ickle willy when your car has a nicer interior than a stately home?