Stop the Front Plate Insanity

Remember how excited we all got when the Camaro Z/28 was released with the super snazzy “Flowtie”? The engineers that fought physics in order to make a nearly two ton metal brick do unbelievable things, non-muscle things, like turning… and stopping. This was a car that had race everything, right down to the Chevrolet logo affixed to the front grill, and it was magnificent.

Apparently by just hollowing out the logo, they increased the airflow to the radiator by a staggering 3 cubic meters per minute helping the car lower oil temperatures by 2 degrees… TWO FREAKING DEGREES. Okay maybe it doesn’t sound that impressive, but we still knew it was cool (cool… get it?).

So why the hell is it that people strap their front mount licence plates in a way that covers the radiators of their cars? I get it, I do, no one wants to drill holes in their sexy bumper because the government officials demand that cops can check your plate from the front.

How big is the flowtie? I don’t own a Chevy so let’s guess and call it about 15 square inches of furious air blocking surface area. I do have a license plate so I measured that and it was about 66 square inches. That means the plate is blocking 4.4 times the amount of air as a flowtie.

Let’s keep this awesome grade six math going here! We know that hollowing the logo increased airflow by 3 cubic meters per minute so: 3 x 4.4 for the much larger plate = 13.2 cubic meters per minute! That’s a lot of air you’re preventing from getting to your radiator, as a result you’re raising your oil temperature by: 2 degrees x 4.4 for the increased size of the plate = 8.8 degrees of imperial temperature measurement units! Does it work like that? No, probably not, but I failed math and you’re not paying to read this so this is what you get.

Here’s the thing, I get why you do it. I get that you don’t want to damage your baby. But the truth is you’re putting more strain on your cooling system and therefore potentially damaging your engine over time. It’s not worth it. If only… if only… there was another option that would look good, while leaving your bumper un-molested AND would allow the air to flow through as unimpeded as a college freshman streaker.

Oh, right! There is! For almost every car on the market you can get a tow hook mount. Drive something without a tow hook on the front? First of all, why? That’s stupid, what do you do if you actually need a tow? Second, maybe you could go with a nice solid 3M removable adhesive.

There are options here people. Friends don’t let friends cook their engines in the name of form besting function.