Tesla Ownership Causes 'Anal Itching' According To This 'Report'

Somebody with a hatred of Tesla has been running around San Francisco planting flyers on the windscreens of the electric cars. The flyers are trying to convince owners that Tesla is a terrible company.

Unfortunately it all comes across a bit...mental. The language is disjointed and none of the points are backed up by sources. There are some completely outlandish statements that are simply hilarious. Click the image above to see the full flyer, but we've picked out some highlights below.

Tesla investors urged the Afghan invasion to get the lithium for the batteries in Tesla and the indium for solyndra and create a Silicon Valley VC Lithium monopoly to make a trillion $$ profit for themselves. So you are supporting a war if you drive a Tesla.

The letter continues...

When lithium ion batteries go off in a Tesla, or in an enclosed train or airplane body, they release toxic cancer-causing fumes that can also destroy your lungs, brain and nerve system. Asian workers who make them have died. Over 400 federal reports confirm the toxicity of the Tesla smoke and fumes.

We're not really sure what they mean by 'go off', but should this claim about 'toxic cancer-causing fumes' be true, it is hardly a unique-to-Tesla problem. ICE cars have been pumping out toxic gases for decades. Also, there's no source on these 400 federal reports. There are a number of websites listed at the bottom of the flyer, though no specific articles are pinpointed. The credibility of some of the sites is also questionable.

Relative to the number of cars sold, why has Tesla had so many Tesla drunk driver related crashes, deaths and homicides? Why are Tesla drivers killing innocent pedestrians simply because the Tesla's 'smell bad'? Psychographic, demographic and marketing studies have been published showing that Tesla drivers have a higher-than-average inclination towards drugs, strange sexual behavior and risk. Could this account for the number of Tesla crashes and deaths? Read the detailed evidence in the many lawsuits filed.

For a start, nobody has been killed in a Tesla. We are also not linked to specific 'psychographic, demographic and marketing studies' that supposedly prove Tesla drivers have a 'higher-than-average inclination towards drugs, strange sexual behaviour and risk.' Even if this is the case, strange sexual behaviour doesn't inherently make you more likely to crash...

Over 150 defects and problems per model about the Tesla have been documented on user-forums and in the press including ... 'George Clooney Rips Tesla: Why Am I Always Stuck On The Side Of The F*cking Road?' ... 'Tesla seat vibration causes Anal ltching!' ... 'VAMPIRE POWER DEFECT slams entire Tesla Model S fleet"

This is the highlight, though. I've done some risky Google searching for this 'anal itching' story, and can't seem to find anything. If you, or anyone you know has been affected by any of these Tesla-related symptoms, be sure to let us know.