Where The Hell Did All The SUVs Go?

It seems to me that Joni Mitchell was right. "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." I used to consider bitching about all these pointless SUV's clogging up our roads as a part-time job; it just didn't make any sense. I was always irritated when I saw a tiny suburban housewife hop out of an Excursion by herself to walk into the grocery store - you're wasteful, and silly, and...well, I never really figured out why it bothered me.

And just like the SUV replaced the minivan as the 'family truckster' eventually the SUV was replaced by the crossover. With an SUV-like appearance and high seating position, it made drivers feel 'in control' (never mind the high center of gravity and huge weight) but offered benefits in fuel economy and ride quality/handling. Some of the early efforts were terrible - I'm looking at you Pontiac Aztek - but these days you see way more Pilots than Explorers.

Speaking of the Explorer... A lot of the 'old guard' of real SUVs have made the gradual, squishy transition to crossover, and the Explorer is most noticeable. What was once a bouncy Ranger with more body tacked on is now a three-row Volvo-based crossover with an interior that's a mixture of Lexus and iPod. It's nice, but what can you do with it besides schlep the kiddies to the mall? Off-road? Pah. Tow? Yeah, right.

The Nissan Pathfinder was once the Japanese equivalent of a Landie, able to climb over a mountain goat on the way to the top of Everest. Now it's a stretched-out Altima with 'fluid design' and a reversing camera so you don't run over Timmy in the driveway. Body-on-frame stalwarts are either converting or disappearing: Chevy Trailblazer, Isuzu anything, Mitsubishi Montero/Pajero, Jeep Cherokee, they're gone. Kia's body-on-frame Borrego was a cool effort, especially with the V8 from the Genesis, but it was too little too late. You can still get a Land Cruiser, but with a starting MSRP of $78,255 it's a bit rich for most people's blood. Some blame rising fuel economy standards for their departure, but it's mostly due to a turn in consumer demand - soccer moms realising they never took their Grand Cherokees out of "2 HI" in the first place.

But why should we even be upset in the first place? All those years cursing Explorers and Pathfinders as wasteful, we got what we wanted, right? Well, I'm not an off-roader by any means, but I'm going to miss having SUVs that actually did stuff. The death of the old Pathfinder probably makes me the saddest: it was a bad-ass do everything truck. It had a nice interior, a blocky sort of old-school design with good quality materials, heated leather, etc. The base engine was a torquey 4.0L variant of the 370's 'VQ' V6 and later models could be ordered with a tyre-churning 5.6L V8 from the Titan. It was traditional body-on-frame construction: good for towing, off-roading, longevity, not great for weight, fuel economy, or handling. It had a two-speed transfer case for rock crawling, plenty of ground clearance, and was built like a brick shithouse. The new one is just a de-contented Infiniti JX35, which is the girliest SUV ever. No thank you.

I know that not everyone tows horses, or goes rock-bashing in a lifted Jeep, but one day we're all going to wonder where the SUV's that actually did stuff went. And you're going to be sad about it too. Oh well, at least we've still got the Range Rover and the 4Runner.