12 Reasons Why Need For Speed Is Hilariously Awful

We were hoping for some entertaining silliness when we went to see the new Need For Speed movie last night, and that’s exactly what we got. The street races and car chases were fantastically filmed, but there were so many plotholes and inconsistencies that we’ve been compelled to list the most heinous ones here.

It’s a must-see for any petrolhead, just remember to leave your brain at the door…

WARNING: Spoilers ahead!

Woeful script

There’s so much wrong with the NFS script, it’s difficult to know where to start. There’s hammy dialogue, a hopelessly derivative ‘revenge’ plot, a predictable romance, and stock characters with painfully over-the-top idiosyncrasies. We’re even treated to a classic slow-motion ‘noooo!’

Overly-elaborate street race

At the beginning of the film, we’re treated to a low-level street race, with a prize of $5000 for the winner. With that in mind, you wouldn’t expect it to have much of a budget, but we have car trackers, on-board cameras, roads closed off, and a spotter (Kid Cudi) in a plane overhead. Who’s paying for all this?

The garage’s poor business model

The garage run by our hero, Tobey Marshall (Aaron Paul), is referred to by baddie Dino Brewster (Dominic Cooper) as the best he’d seen for miles. This is later evidenced by the fact that they’re able to carry on the work of the late, great, Caroll Shelby. If these guys are so good, why are they struggling to even pay off debts? And why aren’t they employed by a high-end manufacturer? Maybe they should start working in the mornings, rather than drinking beer and playing Xbox, as seen in one scene.

Drive-by refuelling

Our hero and Julia Maddon (Imogen Poots), his companion, need to get a jolly good move on to reach San Francisco for the start of a big street race. To save time, their mates in a Ford F-450 decide to refuel them while moving at motorway speeds. This all looks a tad dangerous, so why bother? Why not just do a brisk fuel stop, then drive a little quicker for the next few miles to compensate? He seems quite happy to stop for fuel the conventional way later on, rendering this whole stupid scene pointless.

Dominic Cooper’s excessively tall hair

Look at it. Just look at it!

Ford Mustang has invincible suspension

Having cars leap high in the air and land without catastrophic suspension failure is a common staple for action films. Sure enough, NFS has one such scene.

The stupid helicopter scene

Numerous things are wrong with this part of the film. For starters, the ‘hilarious sidekick’ picks up the Mustang with a helicopter and dangles it about, which somehow doesn’t damage the car, nor the chopper. After a short flight the Mustang is dropped off with the support crew, who are incomprehensibly ahead of our hero, despite having been left behind hours before - and without the aid of an aerial shortcut.

The race prize

The premise here is that six rather expensive cars (Bugatti Veyron SS, Saleen S7, Lamborghini Sesto Elemento, GTA Spano, McLaren P1 and Koenigsegg Agera R) all race on the road, and the winner takes every car home. Seems like a good idea, but the drivers have a habit of absolutely wrecking their cars, leaving the prize fund a little light by the end. Also, it finishes on a dead-end road, so anyone left by then will presumably have their car impounded by the police, unable to hand the keys to the winner. Who’d also be arrested.

This also presents an issue to the wealthy guy who lent Tobey the $2.7m Mustang. He did so on the promise of receiving half the value of the cars won. As they’re all wrecked, he won’t get a penny. To make matters worse, the ‘Stang gets written off before the race even starts, leaving him $2.7 million out of pocket. We assume he’s a bit miffed by this, but we never hear from the guy again.

Dino is a complete idiot

We’re told the only thing linking Dino to the death of Tobey’s friend is the red Koenigsegg Agera R he used to punt the young chap off the road. The logical thing would be to destroy it, but instead, he keeps it in a small lock up with really shoddy security. Not only that, but he also keeps records of it on the company computer - with pictures of the crash damage. This means all his fiancee has to do is click two different folders, and she’s found evidence of Dino’s transgression. Clever boy.

Heavy handed police tactics

In the climactic race, we see one officer use his truncheon to jam the accelerator on his patrol car and, with expert timing, launch the car into the side of a Bugatti Veyron. Firstly, how the hell did he manage to time it perfectly with the Bugatti travelling so fast? And secondly, what police officer in their right mind would deliberately destroy an expensive patrol car, potentially ending some rich dude in a Bugatti in the process? Sure, he’s speeding a fair bit, but trying to kill him seems a touch excessive.

Hilariously obvious product placement

When our hero is picked up from prison at the end of the film, a Mustang approaches from the distance. We were expecting to see the wrecked Shelby all fixed up, but instead, we see a shiny 2015 Mustang. We don’t mind a bit of product placement, but does it have to be this obvious?

The Saleen driver is called Gooch

Yes, he really is.