A n00b's Guide To Burnouts

So, how do you pull off the ultimate burnout?

Firstly, you need a car (you really should’ve worked this bit out already). Secondly, a road (preferably far away from killjoy fuzz, Zimmer frame-wielding grannies and jaywalking kids); tarmac’s good, sand, gravel or grass not so much. And finally, to get the wheels spinning, your car must have big enough balls to overpower the tyres’ grip. Fat tyres and a spluttering 0.9-litre engine are not gonna cut it.

The more power you have and the narrower the tyres, the easier doing a class burnout will be. If your car has traction control, switch this off, otherwise the car will cut the power when the wheels start spinning and you’ll look like a total arse.

Once you’ve got all that sorted you need to work out whether your motor is front or rear-wheel drive. As a rule of thumb most cheap, small cars are front-wheel drive and bigger cars are rear wheel drive. For front-wheel drive cars you’ll need a decent handbrake to keep the car stationary while the front wheels are burrowing their way to Oz while firing off attractive clouds of smoke.

If your car is front-wheel drive slam it into first gear, hold down the clutch and get the engine revving high. Yank on the handbrake, dump the clutch and if the engine’s spinning fast enough the wheels should start to spin kicking out mahoosive plumes. While you enjoy the cheers from your admiring fans, control the burnout by easing off the throttle if you hit the rev limiter or mashing the accelerator to the floor if the spinning wheels start to slow down.

Et voila. Girls will swoon - or maybe just choke - but they will be impressed.

Should you be lucky enough to own a rear-wheel drive car, the burnout technique is slightly different as yanking the handbrake up will stop the rear wheels from spinning. With an auto gearbox it’s easy enough – let the car roll forward, then mash the accelerator while pressing down harder on the brakes to stop the car from moving. If your car has enough power, the wheels will frantically spin away.

With a manual rear-wheel drive car you can use the same technique as for a front-wheel drive car with the exception of keeping the car stationary with the brake pedal rather than the handbrake. Or if you’re properly serious about being a master burnoutist you can fit a 'line locker'. Activate this, mash the throttle and dump the clutch and the rear wheels should spin away freely and the line locker will keep the front brakes on stopping you from moving. Simples.

Should you master burnouts and want to make them slightly more…colourful, epically named tyre manufacturer Kumho might be able to help with tyres which kick out a rainbow-tinted ejaculation of colour when you get them spinning. Check out the vid below…