Why The Old Saying 'You Can't Be A True Petrolhead Until You've Owned An Alfa' Is Utter Nonsense

The Alfa Romeo brand is a funny thing. That serpent badge beguiles car fans in a way that few other marques can, despite the fact that the vehicles it often adorns are more than a bit rubbish.

In fact, a certain Jeremy Clarkson went so far as to say "you can’t be a true petrolhead until you’ve owned an Alfa Romeo" in an episode of Top Gear. Sure, it was just a throwaway comment on what’s supposed to be an entertainment show, but this phrase seems to be etched onto the tablets of the Petrolheads’ Commandments. Not so long ago someone even sought me out on Facebook and sent me a message telling me what an awful human being I was, as I had the audacity to criticise the company. The fact that people take it seriously is a bit of an annoyance, as the concept is utter drivel.

The idea is that if you get an Alfa, you’re taking on the poor reliability, the flakey build quality and the quirky design in the name of getting a cool, pretty car with character and an illustrious motorsport history.

The only trouble is, this doesn’t really apply to much of the company’s cars. Many of them aren’t even that good looking. Have you ever looked at someone driving a Mito - to my eyes one of the ugliest cars the Italian company has ever made - with a 1.3-litre diesel engine and thought "yes, this guy’s a bonafide petrolhead’? Thought not. All that tells you is someone’s bought a sub-par motor under some illusion that it’s something cool and stylish.

Someone with a base-spec, 1.6-litre 156 isn’t magically crowned a petrolhead, nor is an exec who picked a porky Giulietta JTDM on his company car form because it was a little bit different. Sure, particular Alfas deserve car buying brownie points; the mighty V6-powered 147 and 156 GTAs for example, or going back even further, the V8 Montreal and the older Spiders. But I’m not sure that they should be given any more kudos than any other petrolhead favourites that we all stop and stare at on the street.

I once owned an Alfa 145 Cloverleaf, but I reckon it’s cars like my old Mercedes 190E ‘Cosworth’ and BMW E30 318iS that give me my petrolhead credentials more than the Alfa. Although let’s gloss over the fact that I sold all three of those cars…

The biggest issue of all, though, is that most Alfas tend to be a bit of a let down in the driving department. And surely for a petrolhead, how a car drives should be paramount.

It’s not all bad news, however, as we at last have Alfas with substance. Alfas that actually promise a driving experience to match the looks. The 4C is flawed but brilliant to drive, while the Giulia is on a new rear-drive platform - not some shoddy front-driving chassis pinched from Fiat - and will be available with up to 503bhp from a ‘Ferrari inspired’ V6.

So perhaps in a decade or so, there might be some truth to Clarkson’s oft-repeated phrase. I for one hope that’s the case…