Segway Review: Mud, Mad Fun & Faceplants

Under the hood

While we can't confirm exactly what witchcraft occurs underneath the floor of the Segway x2 (we forgot our screwdrivers) the instruction manual tells us that this 54kg monster is powered by a frankly brutal...2bhp 'leccy motor.

That equates to a top speed in excess of 12mph with a range of the same number in miles! Phwoar!

Behind the handle

If you're seriously tall or particularly porky, you'll struggle like hell to tame this plug-powered bad boy. BMW-like balance is the key to your Segway success and mastering the perfect gangsta lean takes plenty of time and includes lots of trouser-messing spills.

Sensors and accelerometers measure your body movements 100 times a second, which keep you from landing on your ass (apparently). Lean the handle forward and you'll glide in that direction. Shift your weight to the right and you'll turn in a clockwise direction. And so on...

Sounds easy enough doesn't it? Where things get seriously interesting is when you explore that orbit-altering 12.5mph top speed. At full chat the steering handle seems to have a mind of its own. (Or is it because we're particularly shit at driving one of these things?) Lean too far forwards and the handle will lean with you until you bottle it and taste mud. Lean too far back and it buries itself in your gut and forces you upright.

Hard corners demand Yoda-like reflexes. At our offroad mud mecca at Segway Unleashed in Surrey, bumpy forest routes make mincemeat of your knees if you don't bend them to absorb every impact; there's no McPherson suspension gubbins on these things, ya see... The only thing for it is to look well ahead and try to avoid that massive tree root in your path. Yeh, that doesn't always go to plan as you'll see in our gallery.

With a bit of practice, though, even Segway n00bs like us get the hang of controlling these x2s. Like walking a massive dog, it's all about confidence and showing the Seggy who's boss. Before you know it, your helmet's covered in mud (easy...), and you've conquered the very thing that killed the bloke who invented it (he met his maker by driving a Segway off a cliff). What more could you ask for?

Splash the cash?

Don't even think about buying one of these things. While they're bloody great fun, an extra £1500 buys you an actual car, that won't rely on black magic to stay upright.

What we do strongly recommend, however, is that you get yourself over to a place like Unleashed for a cheap-as-chips day of mud, mad fun and faceplants. The Segway really is one vehicle you have to try before you die.

Unless you're very tall or particularly porky, of course...

Click here to watch CT's video: "How To Ride A Segway X2 Off Road"