7 Present-Movers Santa Might Choose If He Were A Car Guy

Let’s face it: looking at the back ends of twelve reindeer might get boring. But if Santa were to switch to cars he’d want something interesting, proven, durable, fast or any combination of the above. Here’s what we think he might be driving if he ever decides to give Rudolph a rest…

DeLorean DMC-12

The advantages of the DeLorean are obvious if we take it in Back to the Future II spec, complete with garbage-fuelled flux capacitor and the ability to fly. Santa might not be able to take many presents in any one trip, but with the benefit of time travel and anti-gravity technology he’ll be able to get the job done in literally no time. Or so it would seem to the rest of us. He’d just better hope that his elves have been building up plenty of waste, because to make that many temporal jumps he’s going to need a lot of power.

Volvo 850 R estate

A more conventional option is the king among fast estates; the Volvo 850 R. Spacious in a way modern estate cars can only dream of, this is the estate Santa needs in order to maximise his delivered presents per trip. It’s quick, too, with rare manual cars getting a 2.3-litre five-pot with a larger turbo that was good for 250bhp. Manual 850 Rs also got a viscous limited-slip diff, which would help the man in red avoid getting stuck.

For something with a bit more of a pedigree in dealing with life around the North Pole, how about a Toyota Hilux with all the necessary modifications we saw in Top Gear? With a big load bay at the back Santa can pile the presents up high, and he’ll have no worries about whether he’ll be able to make it home or not. Not that Santa cares too much about appearances, but the upgraded Hilux is also a seriously cool thing to be seen in, and in red it’ll match his outfit.

BMW M5 Touring (E61)

Santa is a man who likes to give. It stands to reason that as well as giving presents he might like to do something more for his loving fans, and since he can’t deliver everyone’s presents at the same time (barring a DeLorean situation, as above), why not deliver the glorious, high-pitched F1-derived shriek of the E61 M5? That way everyone can sit at their windows and listen to the spine-tingling sound of Christmas while the jolly fat one does his rounds.

Mercedes G63 AMG 6x6

If it’s ‘unstoppable’ he wants, Santa can’t do much better than the Mercedes G63 AMG 6x6 without moving up into tailor-made trucks. Six wheels, all of them driven by a 536bhp, 531lb ft twin-turbo 5.5-litre V8, give astonishing traction in any and all weathers. On-the-fly adjustable tyre pressures can come in handy when going of-piste, and the fact that it’s almost six metres long means there’s a good bit of storage space in the load bay. They’re quite rare, though, with only a handful having been built.

Isuzu D-Max

It’s a bit of an unexpected one in this company, the D-Max, but stay with us. Not only is it much cheaper than the modified Hilux or G63 6x6, you get a big load bay behind the cab and can tow 3.5 tonnes. Now THAT would be a serious trailer full of presents. We might have used the butch, expensive model for the picture but if Santa has been hit by budget cuts, a lesser D-Max might solve all his problems.

Ford Expedition

On the subject of towing, we can’t find any passenger car to beat the Ford Expedition, which apparently has a towing capacity of just under 4.2 metric tons. It’s also the size of a small moon, making for unfathomable space behind the front seats for even more presents. This has to be the best way for Santa to get as many presents as possible on board at once, and since the Expedition is hardly uncommon in the US, on those shores he’ll probably even go unnoticed.