How To Piss Off A Web Car Scammer

Don't you just hate getting scammed. 419, Nigerian princes, if you have an email address, chances are someone has attempted to lure you into a filthy scam to steal your hard-earned and your dignity.

But why not fight back? That's what one ambitious second-hand car seller did on Autotrader last week, and it looks like the scammer met his verbal match. Read the email thread below for some hilarious chat:

Customer Details:NAME: MR james HamiltonTELEPHONE: EMAIL: phamoh001@gmail.com Vehicle Details: MAKE: MERCEDES-BENZ MODEL: C CLASS PRICE: £4995

Message: hello i hope this auto is still available for sale ?

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Monday, 24 September 2012, 7:32 Subject: Re: Merdcedes for Sale

Thanks you for your enquiry regarding the sale of my Mercedes C180. Yes it is still for sale. Let me know if you need any further information or if you'd like to view the car.

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Tuesday, 25 September 2012, 9:53 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

What is your final price ?

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Tuesday, 25 September 2012, 9:59 Subject: Re: Merdcedes for Sale

£4,995

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Wednesday, 26 September 2012, 14:36 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

Thanks for the swift response and am OK with the price you give it away due to the nature of my work and location...I will not be able to come for inspection, am a very busy type as i work long hours everyday, i have gone through your advertisement and i am satisfied with it. As for the payment..i can only pay via the fastest and secure way to pay online(PayPal) payment. I have a private courier agent that will come for the pick up after the payment have been made ...so no shipping included and with the issue of my details, transferring the name of ownership and signing of all paper work will be done by the courier services company agent so you don't have to worry about that. You can now send me your PayPal emaiL so i can pay in right away and also include your address in your reply so that i can forward it to the shipping agent for the calculation of actual shipping fee. If you don't have a PayPal account, you can easily set up one...log on to www.paypal.com and sign up its very easy... .await your reply asap................ Thanks James

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Wednesday, 26 September 2012, 18:36 Subject: Re: Merdcedes for Sale

Many thanks for your response James. I'd be delighted to sell the car to you under the terms you have stated. I should warn you at this stage that there is a slight scratch to the rear offside wing as a result of a recent bump. It's nothing major and would take a decent panel beater only a few minutes to put right. Let me know if that puts you off or if you are still interested in going ahead with the purchase.

Yours sincerely, Charles White

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Wednesday, 26 September 2012, 18:41 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

thanks for getting back to me and your faithfulness i will be proceeding with the transaction get back to me with your home address for the calculation of actual shipping fee and your paypal email so atht i can transfer the money to you as soon as i sort the shipping issue with the shipping agent and for the agent to be able to come for pick up. Thanks

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Thursday, 27 September 2012, 10:36 Subject: Re: Merdcedes for Sale

Thank you for your response and for being so understanding. I don't actually have a Paypal account but I'm in the process of setting one up so there should not be much of a delay. As you have been so reasonable about the scratch, I feel duty bound to inform you that the gearbox is cream crackered and the breakpads are shinier than Ross Kemp's dome in a sauna. My wife suggested I should keep schtum and pull the old "caveat emptor" flanker but I know that if I was to do that I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'd fully understand if this was to prove a stumbling block to the sale. However, if you are still keen to buy the car, I will get the Paypal account details to you shortly. Let me know if you are still happy to proceed.

Best wishes, Charles Farley

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Thursday, 27 September 2012, 11:05 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

i am so happy to read back from you and that i am doing business with you i will like to proceed so i urge you to get back to me with your paypal email asap so that i can transfer the money to you and i will also need your home address for the calculation of actual shipping fee i wait to read back from you soon. Nice Doing Business With You Regards James

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Thursday, 27 September 2012, 12:33 Subject: Re: Merdcedes for Sale

Dear James, I am glad that you are still interested in buying the car. I have now opened a Paypal account and I am waiting for my registration to be confirmed, so I should be able to get the details over to you shortly. There's one other thing I should mention. I woke up this morning to find that the wheels had been stolen and that the car was being supported on four piles of bricks. We have a local Neighbourhood Watch guy but he stayed in last night to watch the Great British Bake Off. I've managed to source some second hand wheels from the local scrappy. They're not alloys, I'm afraid and they don't quite fit but beggars can't be choosers. Anyway, the upshot is that, with labour costs factored in, it's added another four grand to the cost of the car. Let me know if you're happy to pay the new cost of £8,995.

Yours Aye, Charley Barley

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Thursday, 27 September 2012, 12:39 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

Hello mate you are making this much on me. The new price is too much for and I can not get that kind of money but I will grateful if you can make it 8000 and I will also be delight if you can send me some picture of the car. I wait to read back from you asap.

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Friday, 28 September 2012, 10:15 Subject: Re: Merdcedes for Sale

Dear James, I have now set up my Paypal account and my details have been confirmed so we're ready to go. I should mention that, overnight, someone appears to have broken into the car and left a big toaley on the back seat. My wife thought it might be foxes but I've had a close look and it's definitely human. I suspect the culprit is that wee slag Tanya McCafferty at 96. She's had it in for me ever since I caught her getting a knee trembler round the back of the chippie and told her parents I realise that a car with a giant stool on the back seat is a less attractive proposition but I've checked the relevant legislation and, having made a formal offer for the property you are now legally responsible for all digestible materials found therein etc, etc. As far as the price is concerned I won't accept a penny less than the £9,995 we agreed. Let me know what information you require so that we can conclude the sale as soon as possible .

Yours Aye, Stanley Cranley

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Friday, 28 September 2012, 10:35 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

ok i will proceed with the transaction all you have to do now is to get back to me with your paypal email so i can transfer the money to you asap. Thanks

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Friday, 28 September 2012, 13:20 Subject: Re: Merdcedes for Sale

Dear James, That's terrific news that you want to go ahead and buy the car. I thought the jobby on the back seat might have been a deal breaker. Before we proceed can you state in writing that you are fully aware of the condition that the car is in and that you are prepared to pay the agreed price of £10,995 as I don't want any complaints afterwards about the gearbox, the wheels and the fact that it has no doors.

Yours Aye, Archie Malarky

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Monday, 01 October 2012, 23:40 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

alright get back to me with your details

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Friday, 02 October 2012, 10:36 Subject: Re: Merdcedes for Sale

Hello James, Thanks for your response. Let me know how you would like to pay, Paypal or directly into my bank.

Yours Aye Barney Blarney

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Monday, 02 October 2012, 11:13 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

Paypal and all I need is your paypal email. I wait to read back from you asap

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Friday, 02 October 2012, 11:14 Subject: Re: Merdcedes for Sale

Dear James, Many thanks for clearing that up. So, just to be clear, you need my Paypal email address? Forgive my ignorance but I've never used Paypal before. Do you also need my address? Also, do you need me to scan the vehicle registration certificate, the MoT certificate and the service record?

Yours Aye, Humphry Bumphry

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Monday, 02 October 2012, 13:34 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

Paypal and all I need is your paypal email. I wait to read back from you asap

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Tuesday, 02 October 2012, 11:12 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

Dear James, Many thanks for your response. I can't tell you how pleased I am that the car is going to an honourable chap like yourself. It occurred to me that, rather than pay for an expensive shipping agent, you could get Maxicars in Govan to do deliver it to you. If you ask for Maurice, he'll do you a good deal. Between you and me he's got a bit of a sweat problem but he'll let you off with the boundary charge as long as you're no further than Dalmarnock. I'd do it myself but I suffer from alcohol-related peripheral neuropathy and if my legs are crammed in a tight space for any length of time they start to swell up like a savaloy in a steam room. Let me know if that suits you and I'll give you Maurice's mobile no.

Yours Aye, Franky Panky

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Tuesday, 02 October 2012, 11:14 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

just get back to me with the paypal email and your home address thats all i need and i after i transfer the money the shipping agent will come and they will be responsible for all signing and they will collect the certificate from and they will deliver it together with the car. thanks james

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Wednesday, 03 October 2012, 09:23 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

Dear James, Please let me know if it is my home address you require or my business address as the car is registered at my business address?

Yours Aye, Mikey Spikey

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Wednesday, 03 October 2012, 09:24 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

i am asking of the pick up address

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Wednesday, 03 October 2012, 09:33 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

Where would you rather collect it from, my home address or my business address? Or would you like Maurice from Maxicars to deliver it to you? Yours Aye, Tony Baloney

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Wednesday, 03 October 2012, 09:35 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

any of out of your home or office

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Wednesday, 03 October 2012, 11:25 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

Dear James,

Many thanks for your reply. That's no problem. I'll get my address and Paypal email over to you ASAP. One further thing I should mention is that there's a dead Alsation in the boot. Could you ask the shipping agent to dispose of the corpse, unless of course you want to keep it. Unfortunately, it was humping next door's bijon frise when it collapsed and rigor mortis set in while it was still in a state of physical arousal and, well, the upshot is that the boot won't close so you might want to get the shipping agent to throw a blanket over it or he might get arrested for public indecency. As long as you're happy with these small matters of fine print then we can proceed with the transaction without any further delay. Let me know that you're fully satisfied and I'll get my details over to you immediately.

Yours Aye, Andy Shandy

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Friday, 05 October 2012, 10:35 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

ok get back to me with your paypal email and your email address. i9 wait to read back from you asap

From: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk To: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comSent: Friday, 05 October 2012, 11:07 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

Are you ok about the Alsation in the boot?

From: james hamilton phamoh001@gmail.comTo: Carlos Alba c_alba1965@yahoo.co.uk Sent: Friday, 05 October 2012, 11:10 Subject: Re: Mercedes for Sale

pls dont mail me again.

Credit to Carlos Alba for posting this story first.