Watch As Scumbag Porsche Thieves Foiled By Manual Gearbox

A word of advice to any wannabe car thieves. Firstly, reconsider everything about your life, you absolute cretins. Secondly, if you’re determined to go ahead with it, make sure you know how to drive what you’re stealing.

A bunch of thieves in Bethesda, Maryland, USA tried to swipe what looks like a Porsche 718 Cayman or Boxster last month and got pretty violent in their attempts. After holding up the owner for his keys, they then pistol-whipped him in the head and allegedly shot at him as he ran away.

Dashcam footage from the Porsche then shows the carjackers jump in, start the car and immediately stall it. They tried again, with the same results. Look, we get it, finding a bite point can be tricky in an unfamiliar car. And the thieves were unlucky – only around 25 per cent of the 718 and 911 models sold in the US are manual, with most Americans opting for PDK instead. So the chances of them picking a do-it-yourself model were relatively low. You could almost feel sorry for them, if it weren’t for the fact that they were utter scumbags.

Police say the miscreants, believed to number four, scarpered in what looks like a red Nissan Rogue (that’s an X-Trail in American clothing) after their bungled attempts.

The Montgomery County Police Department have yet to track down the miscreants after the hold-up on Wisconsin Avenue on the night of Sunday, November 26. With a bit of luck, the robbers’ rank incompetence will mean they’ll soon be in the clutches of law. Clutch. HA!