What cars would the people from Middle Earth drive?

Here I am, as your lord and saviour to finally answer the age-old question: if there happened to be cars in Middle Earth, the mystic lands from Tolkien’s famous saga, what would the characters in there drive?

The Bagginses (and friends): classic Mini

To kick off with the main characters of the LOTR and the Hobbit books: the Baggins family. The classic Austin Mini must be the perfect car for them: it’s small, somewhat cute and it can easily bring a small Hobbit family to a nice picknick spot in the Shire. But just as much as it can do that, it can go on epic adventures using it’s small size and weight to get everywhere. It will always keep that adventurous grin and will never let you down.

Average Hobbit: Peugeot 207 Cabrio

I think we can all agree that the average Hobbit life seems pretty boring; not adventurous and not really interested in things at all. Therefore, the 207 suits them perfectly! But, as they seem pretty content with their lives and like enjoying the little things in life (such as the sun on their face and the wind in their hair), I made it the Cabrio. Perfectly boring.

Gandalf: Aston Martin DB5

For Gandalf I have selected the Aston Martin DB5. So why then? It’s simple: they have many things in common. It’s old (very old), he’s adored by many people and it’s pretty cool overall. And the most resembling part of them all? Some of them might have some tricks under the bonnet…

Night Elves: Rolls Royce Wraith

So the Night Elves then (the guys living in Rivendel, if I’m right). They are (in comparison with the Wood Elves) the wisest of the Elves (I think there might be a third race of Elves, but I’m gonna stick with these two). These guys are, just
like Rolls Royce, one of the most respected beings in their class. They rarely do stupid things and really are high quality “human” beings. Same as Rolls Royce thus! So why the Wraith, and not the Phantom? I don’t know. The Wraith perhaps, looks smooth, and so do Elves. Valid reason.

Wood Elves: Bentley Continental

Now the other Elves, the Wood Elves. Same story, but these qualify as a less wiser race of Elves. Which is kinda what applies to this Bentley: excellent car, but it has that image of dumb celebrities buying it. In Middle Earth, the Continental would have the image of less intelligent species buying it. No hate on the car though.

Dwarves: Ford F-150

It should be easy to see why I chose this one: a powerful workhorse with a big boot and great capability of towing something behind it; practicallity at it’s finest (at least for a dwarf). Only thing not matching is it’s size: small dwarf, big car. But in the end, the Kingdom under the Mountain wasn’t particularly small either, wasn’t it?

Aragorn: Ford Mustang

One of the main heroes of the story gets the Mustang: the car of a wanderer, of people that go places with their car. But also quite a powerful car (cue the Mustang hate) and for the newest generation, a car that still needs to prove itself but because it has the right DNA, “it’s gonna be good.” Just like Aragorn!

Saruman: Maybach Exelero

Compare the Exelero with a golden dagger, having written “I hate peasants” on the lemmett. And then you get stabbed with it. Right in your heart. The person that would stab you to death with that dagger is Saruman. Perhaps on the other side of the lemmett it would say, inscripted with rubies, “I like the concept of world domination”. Perhaps not. Yours to decide.

Sauron: Lamborghini Egoista

There is only one Sauron, and you’ll know by instance it’s him when you see him. Same for the Egoista. It’s an intouchable car that looks like the child conceived between Satan and… yeah, who actually? I guess he just impregnated himself. I think what Sauron would also very much like about the car is the word “ego” in “Egoista”. Probably the main reason why he’d steal it from the Lamborghini headquarters.

Smeagol: any Audi

Smeagol would probably peel the badge off and eat the rest of the car. So he can be Lord of the Rings. Muhahaha.

At least, if he could afford an Audi.

Well that was the end to this magnificent piece of consumer advice. Follow me for more random stuff like this, and I hope you guys enjoyed!